


A New Light On The Road

by ithatreader



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-07-06 11:12:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15884880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ithatreader/pseuds/ithatreader
Summary: [AU] Do you believe in destiny? Do you believe in miracles? Do you believe that God would give you a second chance with the love of your life? Do you believe that love can overcome everything, even death?





	1. She's Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, welcome!
> 
> Before anything, I read this story some years ago— maybe six years ago and a two months and a half I thought "Mmm, honestly this is a story I haven't seen over there. I should probably adapt it and translate it." And well... as you can see, I'm currently working on it. I started to share this work in another page but I wanted to share it here too. 
> 
> The chapter might have some misspelling because english isn't my mother language, and even though I know english I sometimes forgot how some words are written. Also, my vocabulary isn't very broad and many time, althought I would like to use synomyms, I can't because I don't know another way of saying it.
> 
> I'm calculating the story is gonna take between 12 and 16 chapters, so is kinda short (but it's good, I promise).
> 
> Well, I guess I'll see you at the bottom for discution about the chapter.
> 
> So, without further ado... happy reading.

“Family of Alison Fields?” the doctor said, pulling Emily out of her thoughts. She stood up and walked towards the doctor; her legs felt cramped as she had walk for hours without stopping, her mind was racing with infinity of scenarios, her hands were sweating and she felt a big knot in the pit of her stomach.

“I am her wife” Emily said once she was in front of the man, the doctor examined her from top to bottom before handing her some paperwork.

“Well… Mrs. Fields, I need you to sign a responsive. Your wife’s in a delicate state right now. There are some complications and we just can save the baby or… your wife” the doctor explained. Emily just looked at him. It can’t be true was the only thing she could think of. Everything went perfectly fine during pregnancy, the appointments said so. Emily was so lost in her mind, thinking why this was happening; what was she going to do? " _One life for another, my wife for my kid, my kid for my wife."_   It was until the voice of the doctor snapped her out of her inner argument.

“Ma’am, I need to go back to the OR. The life of your child or your wife is at stake”. The brunette, with shaking hands took the paperwork and look at the man.

“Where do I sign to save my wife?” The doctor looked at her and nodded his head. “Here and here”. Emily signed the papers with the idea of having done the right thing and for the first time in a long time she prayed to God for her wife and child. " _Please God, I’ll do anything but please don’t take them away from me."_

Time passed slowly, minutes seemed like hours and Emily was losing herself more and more in her thoughts. Thoughts about their future, about beautiful memories; Emily begged and swore silent promises in case both, Alison and the baby would be saved; she remembered the day she found out that the treatment had worked and Alison was pregnant.

_“Ali, I’m home” Emily shouted as soon as she opened the front door. It was a little over 8 pm when she came back from work and she was exhausted. It had been a long day. “Babe?” She called again taking off her shoes and hanging the jacket near the door waiting for a reply. Nothing._

_She walked into the living room hoping to see Alison there sleeping in the couch, but once she entered the room she saw no one. The brunette furrowed her eyebrows. Maybe she’s out, she thought. Without giving it more importance, the brunette went upstairs towards hers and Alison’s room; she was desperate to take a shower._

_The first thing that caught her eye once she was near the room was that the door was slightly open and the light was on. The second thing was the white teddy bear that sat on the middle of the bed she saw when she opened the door. Emily made her way towards the stuffed animal which held a card that she took._ For the little one _, it read and, in front of the toy, was a stick with a bow. Confusion was written all over the brunette’s face. Leaving the card in the bed, she took the stick for inspection._

_“What the… a pregnancy test?” she asked to no one. Slowly, the brunette undid the bow which covered the part that showed the result. When the bow was gone, she looked carefully._

_Two lines._

_Pregnant._

_Emily was still with a confused look and some seconds had to pass until realization took over her. A smile started to form on her face and a joyful laugh left her mouth at the time she turned around to be meet by the icy blue eyes she loved the most. Only one stride was enough to be in front of Alison and swiftly Emily pulled her in a strong hug._

_The blonde returned the embrace just as strong as Emily’s. After a few seconds, the brunette broke the embrace only to cup Alison’s face and bring her close to her lips close to hers and kiss her. The kiss was slow and full of love, full of dreams and illusions. Full of promises. No words needed to be said. When the air became a necessity, they pull apart resting their forehead together._

_“You’re pregnant” Emily said just above a whisper. She felt like she was at the top of the world._

_“Yeah, a month and a half” Alison replied using her thumb to catch a tear that had managed to escape from Emily’s eyes. For the past year they both had tried to get pregnant but after three attempts and a lot of money spent, they began to lose hope to bring a child to this world. This was their little miracle._

_“God, I love you so much” Emily said before she leaned in to place a chaste kiss on Alison’s lips._

_“I love you too, Em”._

The brunette tried to appear calm, although that was the last thing she had. She felt like she was in an alternative universe. Emily snapped out of her inner thoughts when she felt that someone was approaching her. Unsure, she looked up to see the same middle-age doctor walking in her direction. Emily stood up as if driven by a spring and with two big steps she was already in front of the doctor.

“How is Alison? Well, how are they?” Emily said desperately.

Silence.

A lump in Emily’s throat began to form in the absence of response.

“W-why aren’t you answering? Are they ok? Please, tell me!” Emily stuttered, there was fear in her voice now. The doctor stared at her with a neutral face, waiting for the brunette to calm down so he could speak.

“Mrs. Fields, your daughter is fine…” a smile lit up Emily’s face.

“Daughter?” Emily beamed. _"Alison is gonna be so happy"_ , Emily thought hoping the little girl to look like Alison.

“And Alison? How is she?” Emily asked still with a smile in her face. The expression in the doctor’s face change for a moment. There was a hint of sympathy and pity. For a reason, he couldn’t find the courage to give the news, which was strange because he has been doing this for almost 25 years. The doctor lowered his head and took a deep breath before looking up at the desperate brunette again. His expression impassive.

“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Fields. She didn’t make it”. Emily’s smile disappeared.

The brunette was petrified. The sound had stopped and all she could think were the doctor’s last words.

_She didn’t make it._

Her legs were shaking. She felt that the world was falling on her. No sound came out of her mouth; her words were stuck in her throat. She screamed but it was all in his mind. Emily wanted to believe she was in a stupid nightmare and she was going to wake up scared and crying, and Alison would be there to comfort her, to hug her and tell her that everything was going to be alright and she was going to lay her head on Alison’s chest and cling to her and relax with the aroma and warmth of her body and the next morning she would wake up to see Alison's smile.

But no.

There she was in a cold hospital corridor receiving the worst news of her existence. Her legs couldn’t support her weight anymore; she felt that someone was holding her preventing her from falling and being seated in one of the chairs that were there. So many things went through her mind. She wanted to scream, to cry but the only thing she could do was seeing that the doctor was still in front of her.

“You don’t know how sorry I am, ma’am. We did everything we could so your wife and your daughter could be saved but… it was impossible”. Emily glared at him dead in the eye; a terrible rage fooled her in an instant when she remembered what _he_ made her sign. Suddenly, Emily stood up and grabbed tightly the collar of the doctor’s scrubs.

“What the fuck!? Isn’t it supposed that I _signed_ that stupid responsive?” Emily hissed, gritting her teeth in fury. The doctor looked at her frightened by her reaction. “Please, calm down or else I’ll have to sedate you”. Emily’s knuckles were almost white due to the force with which she held the doctor. Reluctant, Emily let go off him but never took her gaze from him, her hands clenched into fists. He changed his expression.

“Look, you were given a responsive to sign, yeah; but Alison was also given one and she sign for their daughter. In this case, where the responsive are different, the doctors in charge decided to save the one who had more chances to survive and that was your little girl” The middle-age man explained.

“So, my wife… she sacrificed her life to save our daughter’s?” she asked, her voice cracking with emotion.

“I truly am sorry…” the doctor made a pause asking silently to the brunette for her name. “Emily” she said with shaking voice. “Alright, Emily. I have to go. Excuse me”. Emily watched him go as she sat back in the chair. She put her head in her hands, running her fingers through her hair in a sign of despair.

What was she going to do? What would it be of her? What was she going to do with a baby who was going to need her mother? The idea of adoption crossed her mind. If she gave her for adoption, she would have parents who would take care of her and give her what she couldn’t give her, _love_ , because all the love Emily had was gone with Alison.

It was for the best.

The best? The best for whom? She could believe she was thinking in that way. Give away their little miracle? Something so expected by both? Their illusions? She could do that; that little girl was Alison’s daughter and if Emily loved her as much as she claimed to do, she had to protect this child with her life in memory of her wife; but again, what was she going to do? Instinctively, Emily took her cellphone and dialed a number, the number of the only person who could help her at that moment.

“Hello?” It was heard from the other side of the line.

“Spence… i-it’s Emily. I’m… I’m in the hospital right now. Alison…” Emily choked. She couldn’t say it to her over the phone.

“What happened? Is Alison ok?” Spencer asked worried. Emily didn’t know what to say or what to do. The tears she had repressed began to betray her as Spencer asked her about Alison’s condition.

“I brought Alison in because she started to feel contractions and… and she went into labor” at this point the tear made it impossible for Emily to continue. She tried to take deep breaths to calm down but that wasn’t working and her whimpers soon became sobs. She was on the verge of a meltdown.

“Listen, I’m on my way, just calm down ok? I know that having a child is the biggest emotion but, why didn’t you tell me? Well, you know what? I’ll be there in 10”. Spence rambled before hanging up without giving Emily the chance to explain that Alison had died.

The brunette sighed and put away her phone. She walked to the chairs that surrounded the waiting room and once more she sat down, she could only wait for Spencer’s arrival. She didn’t know how she was going to tell Spencer that her best friend, her almost sister was gone.

Emily thought in the words Spencer said. _"A child, the biggest emotion? Yeah, maybe."_   But that didn’t matter in that moment, the brunette felt unprotected, she needed somebody’s hug. No. No somebody’s hug. _Hers_. Only her could put her at ease, made her feel good, but how? She was _gone_.

But, what if it was a joke? Emily hadn’t seen Alison yet.  _"She has to be fine."_ Emily walked towards the corridor that connected with the OR and opened the first pair of doors with a loud slam. A nurse came out of the second pair of doors which were those to the OR.

“Miss, this is a restricted area. Only authorized staff can pass”. She exclaimed blocking Emily’s path.

“Look, _miss_ , my wife is in there and I want to see her!” Emily screamed; she didn’t care what she was told; she was determinate to pass through whoever was in front of her in order to see Alison. The nurse was still arguing with Emily when the door to the OR opened. Emily stood still watching while the nurse kept talking to her and for the brunette it felt like time went in slow motion. The double doors opened wide as a stretcher came out and in it a body covered with by a white sheet. The young nurse followed the tall woman’s gaze and Emily took the opportunity to sneak pass the nurse and practically run to where the stretcher was.

Emily took a deep and long breath trying to put her emotions under control. Her body and mind felt exhausted, her hands shaking and sweating. She closed her eyes and slowly she lifted the sheet. Taking another breath, she opened her eyes and in that instant, the reality came over her. A strangled sob got caught in her throat and her trembling hands flew to her face covering her mouth. She took a few steps back, horrified by what her eyes saw. Pale skin. Dull hair. Blue lips. That wasn’t her Alison anymore.

That was just a lifeless body.

Without realizing it, Emily ended up her back leaning against the wall slipping slowly to the floor. She buried her head between her knees and started to cry like a little girl; the world vanished around her. She didn’t know where she was and who she was anymore. The only thing that was in her head was that now she was alone in the world. " _This isn’t happening. Damn it, Emily! Wake the fuck up!"_

She started to hyperventilate, her heart bumped against her ribcage and her vision became increasingly blurred every second.

She didn’t know how much time had passed, everything around her became surreal and she kept crying uncontrollably. It was until she felt a hand softly caressing her head that she finally looked up to see Spencer watching her with a sad look. Emily tried to stand up but Spencer didn’t allow it.

“Spence, Alison…” she tried to speak though her sobs.

“Shh, it’s okay. They already told me what happened. Relax, everything is going to be okay” Spencer whispered with tear streaming down her face. Emily couldn’t help it and threw herself into Spencer’s arms and started to cry once more.

It had been two hours before Emily was calmer but she was still trying to assimilate her crushing reality; Spencer was taking care of all the paperwork while Emily focused her eyes on the waves that formed in her coffee every time she moved the paper cup. She didn’t realize when Spencer came close to her.

“Em, you can go see you daughter now” Spencer spoke with infinite tenderness. Emily didn’t take her eyes off the coffee.

“I don’t want to. You can go” Emily’s voice was dry and annoyed. Spencer looked at her with an incredulous expression.

“She _is_ your daughter, Emily!” Spencer yelled. Anger flooded Emily, her free hand balled into a fist and her chest was heaving. She stood up to face Spencer, resentment evident in her eyes.

“Because of that girl my Alison, _my wife_ is dead” Spencer raised her hand and slapped her, hard. She was looking at her with a frown. Emily didn’t dare to move.

“How can you say such stupidity?” She growled. Disappointment written all over her face.

“It is the only truth! And for your own sake, do _not_ touch me again” Emily hissed, her hand covering her painful cheek.

“Is that a threat?” Spencer faced her. They stood there, looking at each other with a heavy gaze. Neither one of them looked away from the other. Emily jaw was clenched, her breathing was heavy.

She was ready to say something when a nurse approached. “Ladies, this is a hospital; I need you to calm down or I’ll call security to escort you out of the building” the nurse stepped between them.

“I came to tell you that you can now go see the baby”. Emily and Spencer were still staring at each other with hatred.

“Look, if you’re stupid enough to blame an innocent child for something that probably was meant to happen, it is your problem but I _am_ going to see her” Spencer started to walk towards the nursery area and Emily, grumpily followed her.

Both were directed to a special section where they were given the little girl. Spencer took the baby; Emily, with the arms crossed over her chest, looked out of the corner of her eye Spencer’s movements.

“Aren’t you going to carry her? Spencer extended her arms to Emily showing her the baby. The brunette move forward with fear and took her little girl in her arms. Three seconds later Emily couldn’t contain her emotions. " _God, she looks like Alison."_ Emily couldn’t articulate a word; tears fell from her eyes without her making an effort to stop them. The baby was crying too.

“H-hi, sweetie. Welcome to this world, beautiful” Emily cooed and as if by magic, the baby stopped crying. “Spence, did you see that?” She beamed, a large smile plastered in her face.

“Yes, she recognized your voice” Emily remembered all those afternoons in which she and Alison spent cuddling in the couch, imagining how their baby would be, she hugging Alison or with her head in Alison’s womb speaking to the baby, thinking what would be her name. Beautiful memories that now were painful.

“What’s her name?” Spencer questioned, snapping Emily out of her trance. There was silent for a few minutes. Emily was thinking about how to name her daughter. She thought of all the arguments Alison and her had about what their child’s name would be.

 _“If our child were a boy, we could decide later; but if it’s a girl, I want to name her Camille”_ Alison had told her. Emily just wanted her to have Alison’s name.

“Lauren Camille. That’s her name” Emily declared with a small smile on her face.

“Hey, Lauren” the brunette returned her attention to the little girl in her arms. Little Lauren had her eyes opened and although she knew it was too early to know what color her eyes would be, Emily was one-hundred percent sure they would be the same as her mother’s. Blues.

“What are you thinking?” Emily broke the silence that had formed, turning to see Spencer who had a serious and thoughtful expression. “Have you spoken with her family?” Upon hearing her answer, Emily’s smile vanished. It was true. She hadn’t spoken to her family yet. Emily didn’t know how to tell them what had happened because since Alison left her house, she and Emily had only gone a few times and the visits always ended badly. Emily could recall the last time the both of them went to visit. It was a few days after we learned that Alison was pregnant. Her mother went nuts, screaming and ranting about how they were _unnatural_ , spitting about how two disgusting lesbians could give a good education to a child without waiting for them to turn out a fag or dyke.

After the visit, Alison told Emily that if her parents wanted to know their granddaughter or grandson, they would look for them. Alison’s tears were the trigger to prevent Emily from contradicting her. The truth was that the brunette wanted to tell her that she had to be close to her family since not even her own family wanted to know about her for the same reasons.

Emily continued to stare at her baby. She didn’t know how to tell her daughter’s grandparents that their daughter was dead. Lauren smiled involuntarily, plunged into a deep sleep. Emily heard the footsteps of someone approaching, making her and Spencer to turn around. The same nurse who had guided them to the room to meet Lauren told them the visiting time was over and that Alison’s body was ready for the funeral. Reluctantly, Emily passed her daughter over to the nurse after kissing her on the forehead and promising that she would return for her to take her home.

“Where are we going?” Spencer asked while both women made their way to the hospital’s parking lot.

“I have to find Alison’s phone, you’re right. I need to tell her family” Emily’s tone was serious.

“Mmh, yeah but are you going to let them be present at the funeral?” Spencer inquired looking directly into Emily’s brown eyes.

“I know they don’t deserve to be there because of everything they had put us through, but they are her family. Besides, they have the right to meet their granddaughter”.

“Here, I’ll drive”. Spencer volunteered when they almost reached the car, but Emily shook her head, opening the driver’s door.

“No, this is my car. I am driving.” Spencer got closer to her and snapped the keys from Emily’s hands.

“No, you’re not. You are all over the place. Now, come on.” Spencer hopped into the driver’s seat and started the engine, leaving a dismayed Emily standing in the same place.

“Are you coming or not?” A playful smile was drawn on her face. Emily shook her head and walked towards the passenger’s seat.

Once she was seated with the seatbelt on, Emily leaned her head against the window so that Spencer wouldn’t see the tears that silently escaped her eyes; the car still emanated Alison’s smell. Emily knew she had to be strong but it was almost impossible since her strength had always been Alison.

From the day she met Alison, something within her told her that she should protect that girl because she was still that, a girl. Emily started to lose herself in her thoughts; she began to remember how they had met, the way she looked at her, how Alison found out about her homosexuality. Alison pushed Emily away and it was a shocking surprise when Emily saw her standing at the front door. Once Emily opened the door, Alison pushed her inside the house and kissed Emily with passion. Emily smiled at the memory.

Then she recalled when they decided to keep their relationship as a secret. Her smile was gone when she remembered the look of horror on Alison’s parents when they learned the truth. Jessica instantly called Emily´s parents, who came to the DiLaurentis house and found out about their relationship in a heartbeat.

Pam, Emily’s mother, with great hatred slapped Emily in front of Alison and her parents, but Emily didn’t care; the only thing that mattered to Emily was that she didn’t want to be separated from Alison, but that wasn’t the case. Kenneth decided to kick her out, Alison was no longer welcomed in their house and Jessica only muttered her agreement without showing a single hint of sympathy for her daughter. Emily’s parents felt the same.

It had been some time since that incident, approximately six years, and Emily and Alison were no longer kids. With great effort, the both of them managed to finish college and now that they had economic stability to have children, this was happening. More tears came down her cheeks. What was going to happen? How was she going to tell them what had happened to her?

Emily didn’t realize they had arrived at her house until Spencer opened the door and offered her hand to help her get out of the car. They walked slowly towards the front door. Emily looked down at the floor, her body felt heavy. The short distance from the driveway to the porch seemed eternal. She was anxious. She was scared. She was lost. She tried to calm her breathing. " _Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Inhale. Hold. Exhale."_ She kept repeating to herself. They climbed the four stairs of the porch and stayed there for a few minutes. None of them spoke.

Emily shut her eyes and took a shaking breath; the lump in her throat was getting bigger and bigger. She rubbed her hands on her jeans and sighed. “Okay” she said under her breath. She placed her hand on the door handle and took a deep breath once more. When she opened the door and entered, a torrent of emotions and memories hit her. Her aroma was impregnated in everything in the house. Emily felt that the house had turned against her to remind her Alison. Her aroma, the portraits, her decorations. _Everything._

The brunette went upstairs to their room; before opening the door, she looked up to the ceiling and she released the breath she didn’t know she was holding. With her trembling hands she opened the door and she could still see Alison there sleeping peacefully. She went to the bed and sat down in Alison’s side caressing the mattress. Something wet fell on her hand. It was the tears that had formed in her eyes and that she had tried to contain; now they were falling fast without stopping.

Emily grabbed Alison’s pillow, it still smelled like her, she clung to it and let her emotions take control of her body. The brunette remembered that under Alison’s pillow was the remote of the small sound system they owned. Emily decided to turn it on and hit the play button. The device began to play flooding the silent room with that song that Alison liked so much.

The soft melody of the piano began to be heard, and soon afterwards, the solo guitar came. Absently, Emily began to sing. She could still hear Alison’s voice singing too. “…I was so untrue; I can’t live without her love. In my life…” Emily’s words barely came out of her mouth. She was still hugging Alison’s pillow and her stare seemed lost. “Lady, won’t you save me? My heart belongs to you…” The brunette kept singing, but something made her snapped out of her daze to put closely attention to the lyrics of the song. _She’s gone, out of my life. She’s gone; I find it so hard to go on…_ “What the hell?” she breathed out. The song was now hurting Emily; her body filled with rage.

_She’s gone, out of my life._

Alison was gone, out of Emily’s life.

Those words repeated incessantly in her head. Emily took the remote and repeated the song again. Over and over and over again, the words were buried like knives in her heart. If she loved you, she wouldn’t have gone, her mind told her. “I loved her, why did she leave me?” Emily lay back on the bed and curled up into a ball still with Alison’s pillow clung to her chest.

“W-why!? Why did you leave me!? I-if I love y-you so much” Emily screamed. In a fit of anger, she got up and threw everything that was in her reach. She tear the sound system up and threw it through the window. “Why did she leave me all alone? If she knew I love her” Emily had finally lost it. She approached the vanity and swept everything that was on it. She looked at herself at the mirror. That wasn’t her. In an instant, Emily’s fist connected with her reflection, causing the mirror to break into a thousand pieces.

A sharp pain pierce her head, making her sit on the floor. She racked her hands through her hair and felt something trickle down his cheek. Blood. At first, the brunette thought it was from her head but when she turned her hand, she realized it was from there that the blood emanated. Emily didn’t make the effort to stop the bleeding. She just watched how the red liquid ran freely down her hand and arm. She didn’t care to bleed out; nothing was the same for her anymore.

Without Alison, nothing mattered.


	2. Sleep Well, My Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two months later... I finally decided to update here. I swear adulthood is killing me.

What is death? Death is a word that a lot of people are afraid of. It is a state that nobody has come back to tell you what it feels, what is like, what had happened. It’s something very difficult to say and describe and there are time when you want to be the one who’s dead; the one inside the casket.

That was how Emily felt.

In that moment, she wanted to be the one inside the box that was in front of her, not her Alison. In the distance, she saw a lot of people. Some sad, others talking softly and even some oblivious of what was happening. Emily didn’t care in the slightest; she was too deep in her world to do so. In her mind, she was there all alone in an empty room seeing her. The brunette didn’t blink once; she just started directly to the casket. Emily snapped out of her daze when she felt a hand in her shoulder.

“How’s your hand, Em?” Spencer asked her softly. Emily looked up to see her and then turned her gaze to her bandaged hand.  It had been something stupid what she had done. Fortunately, Spencer had gone upstairs to see what was going on when she heard the turmoil and could stop the bleeding on time. Emily let Spencer treat her. She never said a word and neither did Spencer, although Emily was physically there, her mind was miles away.

“I feel…” she trailed off, “…good. It doesn’t hurt anymore”. She declared as if at that moment she could feel that way. Emily looked back up at Spencer and smile slightly at her; Spencer returned the gesture and sat down next to the brunette, putting her arm around Emily’s shoulders to give her a side hug. Emily let her because she needed someone’s protection. Time kept going and Emily was still with her eyes focused on the casket. It was not until later that she remembered her baby and diverted her attention to Spencer.

“Where’s my daughter?” Emily began to scan the room, looking for her but she couldn’t see her anywhere. “Don’t worry, she’s with my mom. They are in the kitchen; I was with them.” Spencer reassured her and took her hand to give her and light squeeze. “Is she asleep?” She asked returning her gaze to the casket. “Yeah, she’s a cute little angel. She behaves too well and she almost doesn’t cry”. Spencer informed. Emily sighed, _a little angel that was sent to me to move on from the death of the woman I was madly in love with._ She looked back at Spencer who was still watching her waiting for an answer. Emily remained pensive; she still hadn’t thanked Spencer for everything she had done. She took care of everything because Emily just wasn’t in a proper state of mind.

“Spence?” She whispered; Spencer turned to her with a smile.

“Yeah?” Emily took her hand and peered down in thought; after a moment she raised her head and looked into her eyes which were glossy with dark circles under them. Her face, although she smiled at her, looked tired. Emily hadn’t stopped to think that she was also suffering since Alison was her best friend; she was the only one who, after finding out that her parents had kicked her out and the reason why, kept talking to her and supported her in what she needed. Now, she was doing the same thing for her.

“I just want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Not anybody would offer to take care of what I had to do.” She paused a moment. “You’re a great friend, a great girl and you have great strength. I know you loved Alison like a sister and now she’s gone now; I just hope to continue having your friendship and—” Spencer interrupted her ramble with a soft squeeze.

“Hey, never doubt that ok? Alison was my sister; maybe not by blood but by sentiment. Besides, you are like my sister-in-law. I’ve come to appreciate and love you very much. You have won that affection thanks to the love you had for her and now there’s little Lauren.” Emily smiled at the mention of her daughter. “It’s not that I think you’re incapable of taking care of her, but I think I’ll have to help you…” she let out a breathy laugh. “Well, if you want me to…” Spencer murmured shyly, peering down in shame. Emily could help but hug her; Spencer was being really nice to her and she knew she was going to need her when she tried to rearrange her life.

“Well, well! My daughter is still in that casket and you are already looking for a substitute.” A voice snarled behind her. Emily was still hugging Spencer when she heard that voice she hoped to never hear again. Her body tensed, filled with rage as she heard those words. She wanted to get up from her seat and face them but Spencer didn’t allow it. She whispered in Emily’s ear, telling her not to fall into provocations and remain calm. The brunette followed Spencer’s instructions and took a deep breath before breaking the hug and turning to see her mother-in-law.

“Mrs. Dilaurentis. It’s good to see you here”. Emily said with an ironic smile. She stood up but Spencer was still holding her waist. “You are a hypocrite whore! I’m not happy to be here, at my daughter’s funeral; my little girl!” That filled Emily with more rage. She let go of Spencer’s grip and walked towards Jessica but Jason, Alison’s brother, stood in front of her blocking her way. Obviously, he was taller and stronger than her; he could easily push her and sent her away but he just looked at her, waiting for her reaction. Emily sighed heavily and looked around her; she realized everyone was watching. She didn’t want to make a fuss at her wife’s funeral; she wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of seeing her lose control so she took two steps back and moved to the side trying to address her mother-in-law.

“Her little girl, I see.” Emily chuckled. “Look, I don’t feel like arguing with you, but you know what happened. You know everything that we suffer for your rejection!” she shouted, she couldn’t keep hiding her anger.

“And what about your parents, huh?” Jessica spat back. “They didn’t act differently than me. They also felt ashamed of the kind of daughter they had, which perverted mine. They turned their back on you in the cruelest possible way and they even moved out of the town to avoid seeing you.” She taunted. “At least I tried to be supportive because of the love I had for my daughter, but to you? They abandoned you.” People watched and murmured. Emily gave a shit about it, but she was hurt by the truth that Jessica Dilaurentis threw in her face. She was speechless.

“What? Does it hurt to remind it to you?” Jessica sneered. “Well, it doesn’t hurt _me._ I allowed you into my house because I loved Alison, but I didn’t wanted to see you. I didn’t even want to hear from you, but I loved her that’s why I accepted it. That was until I found out about the barbarity you had committed!” She spat with venom. “Something so terrible, I’m disgusted at the thought of it because that’s a sin; it’s not something natural. That attempt to go against nature is what ended my daughter’s life”.

Emily couldn’t take it anymore.

She moved to the right, pretending to walk to that side; Jason quickly moved to the same side but Emily agilely dodged him and moved to the left side walking towards Jessica. She had many frustrated emotions and she wasn’t going to allow any more insults of that kind; much less, was Emily going to allow her to mess with the most beautiful thing that life had given her after Alison, her daughter. But before she could do or say anything, someone grabbed her from behind. Emily turned her head to see who it was. It was Spencer. Once again she had prevented Emily from doing something stupid.

“Mrs. Dilaurentis, leave. Please. You’re only causing trouble.” Spencer hissed. “If Emily wanted you to come here, it wasn’t for you to make a fuss. Please, at least respect the memory of your daughter.” Emily was still struggling with her to break free, but seeing that it was impossible, she gave up. She had no more strength.

“And who are _you_ to speak to me like that? Do you think you are the owner of the house or something? Or maybe this bitch already had you before my daughter died and you came to see if you could take her place?” Jessica snapped.

“Bullshit! I am just a friend of her daughter and Emily.” An ironic laugh left her mouth. “I’m the only one who saw everything they went through; I witnessed the love they had for each other.” Jessica grimaced. “What? Does it disgust you? Well, don’t. You should be grateful that this woman loved Alison like no one. I _never_ saw Alison cry because of her; she was always so happy and in love. Emily gave her everything; there was no day in which this “hypocrite whore”, as you _so nicely_ called her,” Spencer mocked, “did not do something to see a smile on her daughter’s face. That is love and that is what must have mattered.”

Spencer had loosened her grip around Emily while ranting. Emily was calmer now but she was still mad and she could see that her mother-in-law was too. Jessica’s face was red, she was really pissed.

“Spencer is right, Mrs. Dilaurentis.” Emily spoke with a calm voice. “Now, I’m telling you, you can leave. You have nothing to do here; I think Alison would have done the same. Leave, please.” The brunette gestured with her hand the door. The older woman didn’t know what to say; she was freeze and not once did she blink; that was until she looked pass Emily’s shoulder and fixed her gaze on a point on the house. Emily turned around and followed Jessica’s gaze. At the kitchen door was Mrs. Hastings, who had heard the commotion, with a sleeping Lauren in her arms.

Jessica walked towards her and Mrs. Hastings moved backwards. Emily wanted to prevent that woman from approaching her little girl; she didn’t know what was going to be Jessica’s reaction. She was about to move when someone pulled her by the arm. Thinking it was Spencer, Emily turned to tell her to let go but instead of her friend it was Jason. “Easy, she’s not gonna hurt her.” He stated trying to reassure the brunette.

Everything happened so fast and, at the same time, so slow. Emily turned her attention back to the inevitable interaction and saw how Jessica lifted the blanket that covered Lauren and looked at her. Time stayed still for a few seconds and tears began to fall on Jessica’s face. She extended her arms, asking silently to Mrs. Hastings to hand the little girl over. She complied and the blonde woman held her tenderly. Jessica smiled and turned around to see Jason.

“She’s beautiful; she looks like Alison…” she trailed off. “No, she doesn’t look like her. My Alison has been reborn.” She sniffed, caressing Lauren’s pinky cheek. She remained quiet for a few minutes just watching her. After five minutes, she handed back the little girl to Mrs. Hastings, motioned to Jason to follow her and both left in silence. Emily came near Mrs. Hastings and took her baby in her arms. Lauren was awake and for a moment, Emily felt panic; she brought Lauren closer to her chest and kissed her little head. After a while, Emily felt the fatigue took its toll on her body; she wanted to stay awake but her eyelids were heavy with sleep.

“You should rest for a while.” Spencer prompted. Emily nodded and went slowly up to her room. She expected to see the mess she made the day before but when she opened the bedroom door, everything was tidy up. She supposed it had been Spencer’s work and shrugged it off. Emily lay down and in a heartbeat she was out.

She woke up a couple of hour later feeling that someone was shaking her; it was Mrs. Hastings who had entered the bedroom to inform her that it was time. Emily raked her hands through her hair, it was time to say goodbye forever to the woman she loved the most. She changed her clothes and put a fresh bandage in her hand and went downstairs, counting step by step only for reality to hit her in the face once again. There were a little more people; some approached Emily to give their condolences. A group of men took the coffin on their shoulders and Emily walked behind them, her head bowed. Spencer reached for her and took her arm. They walked to the car in silence; once near the car, Spencer climbed into the passenger seat while Emily went to the back seat and they left for the graveyard; the drive was short. Once they arrived, Emily refused to get off the car; she just stared out the window, motionless. Spencer draw near the car door and opened it, offering her hand to Emily for her to take. Emily took it and hopped out the car, people had already arrived.

They made their way to what would be Alison’s grave; everything was so sad and for the first time, Emily came in with a feeling of fear; the feeling so imposing that Emily felt as if all this were some kind of rite. With those thoughts, they came to the grave. Emily shut her eyes close for a moment and when she opened again, the pallbearers had placed the casket in its place without lowering it yet. The priest had begun to pray and the brunette felt how Spencer side-hug her, always showing her support. Spencer gave Emily a rose; she had one in her hand too. Emily bowed her head and for the nth time, she closed her eyes.

_The rain fell heavily; Alison was clinging to her arm. They were at the funeral of the father of a colleague. Nobody really close, but they attended nonetheless. Everybody around them was crying. The colleague, devastated. His family… The atmosphere was moving but at the same time it was heartbreaking._

_At the end of the service, they hopped into the car. Emily started the engine and clutched the steering wheel hard with both hands and drew in a deep breath; she didn’t know why that scene had impacted her so much. Emily pulled out of her daze when she felt Alison’s hand on her arm._

_“What’s wrong, Em?” She smiled sweetly to her. Emily watched her; she was just as beautiful as the day Emily met her._

_“It’s nothing. I just…” she trailed off. “I guess the service impressed me a little.” Alison came closer to her and pulled her into a warm embrace; her face buried on the crook of Emily’s neck. Emily placed her head over Alison’s. They stayed in that position for a few minutes; through the car speakers a song started to play, Emily recognized it immediately._ How ironic, _she thought._

_“You know…” Alison spoke first. “If I died before you, I wouldn’t like you to cry for me.” She blurted out. Emily felt a horrendous chill run down her spine and quickly she pulled back from Alison. The blonde looked at her startled and Emily had a serious look on her face._

_“No, don’t you ever say that, not even as a joke.” Emily demanded. Alison now looked scared by Emily’s harsh tone. “Don’t you see that without you I would die? That you’re the most beautiful thing life has given me? Emily spoke with a softer voice. She took Alison’s chin and pulled her closer to her to give her a chaste kiss on the lips._

_“Love, that has to happen someday.” Alison reasoned caressing Emily’s cheek with the back of her hand. “Well, but that is going to happen in many years forward when our grandchildren are all grown up.” Emily smiled and kissed her again._

_“Honey, remember that nothing is for sure and a lot of things can happen and—” Emily cut her off and kissed her one more time. “Let’s not think about that because we have a long life ahead us. Let’s go home, we’re both soaked and I don’t want you to get sick.” Alison only nodded and Emily started to drive._

Emily broke from her memory and opened her eyes; she wished with all her strength that everything was a nightmare but she knew _this_ was her reality and that she was at Alison’s funeral.

_She was right. Nothing is for sure._  

The coffin began to descend slowly and Emily tiredly sighed; fatigue invading her body. “My love, I know what is buried is your body, and your soul rest up there” Emily whispered, looking up to the sky. As a kind of response, a raindrop hit her forehead, seconds after another one and another and it began to drizzle. She returned her gaze to the grave and walked towards it. Emily let herself fall on her knees; she still could reach the lid of the casket. Out of the corner of her eye, something caught her attention. On her left wrist was the bracelet that Alison had given her years ago for their friendship and that Emily didn’t take off for anything in the world.

Emily observed the bracelet for a few moments and then she unclasped it; she took off her wedding band and tied it with the bracelet to the rose. She opened the casket slightly, put the flowers into it and got up off the ground; her tears streaming down her face. The brunette couldn’t take it anymore so she turned her back to the grave and she clung to Spencer, crying like a little girl.

When the funeral was over, Emily felt drained. She just wanted to go home to sleep and be with her baby. Mrs. Hastings was outside the cemetery waiting for them and in her arms was Lauren. Emily came closer to her and when she was going to take Lauren in her arms, she heard someone spoke behind her.

“There she is, Miss! That’s the woman who had my granddaughter!” Jessica Dilaurentis yelled. Emily turned around and saw that Jessica was with another lady and two uniformed men.

“Ma’am, my name is Rose Cornish and I’m a social worker. I came for the little girl.” Emily’s eyes went wide in shock. “Do you want to take my little girl away from me? No, you can’t. She’s _my_ daughter!” Emily moved backwards when the social worker came closer to take Lauren from Emily.

“Miss, it is my knowledge that you were the wife of the girl’s mother and not _the_ mother. You don’t have any legal rights over her so Mrs. Dilaurentis has every right to have the infant.” The men drew closer to Emily and she, by instinct, retreated more. “Please, don’t do this harder.” The social worker said.

“Harder? Please!!” Emily scoffed. “I just lost the love of my life and this… woman wants to take my daughter away from me? I don’t give a shit what you think, but she _is_ my daughter and I’ll be damned if I let you take her.” Emily grunted.

“Ma’am please, you need to understand I am just doing my work, don’t complicate things.” The woman tried to reason. “You can file a case or find a solution with the judge, but for now the custody corresponds to the grandmother.” She approached Emily and took the girl. The woman made her way towards her car; Emily wanted to go after her but the officers got in her way. She started to wrestle with the men; one of them grabbed her by the waist and picked her up, but Emily but Emily jabbed him with her elbow in the face. The guy released her and Emily ran to the car; she almost reached the car when somebody held her by the arm and felt something metallic wrap around her wrists. The other man had chased her and now he was handcuffing her. The brunette fought back and stepped on the officer’s foot; he had no choice but to submit her. “NO!” Emily desperately pleaded. “Don’t take her away from me! She’s my baby! SHE IS MY DAUGHTER!” She screamed at the top of her lungs.

The car simply drove away.

Emily woke up and grasped the body next to her; she returned the embrace. Emily clung to her chest as much as she could; she cooed her. Emily’s breathing began to calm down.

“It’s okay, love. It was just a nightmare, it’s over now. Relax.” She whispered in her ear and kissed the brunette’s forehead. Emily turned her head to see her; she was smiling sweetly. Emily returned the smile shyly.

“I hate that stupid nightmare is repeated constantly.” Emily shook her head and hurled her legs out the bet, sitting in the edge of the mattress; she hugged her from behind and planted a light kiss on the back of Emily’s neck. The brunette’s mind was whirling and the kisses kept adamant on her nape and began to go down her neck, coming up again a few seconds later, nibbling her earlobe.

“Come back to sleep, love. Come with me, please?” Her warm breath against her ear sent shivers down Emily’s spine; her voice became seductively provocative and her hands wandered up her stomach under her tank top. Emily moaned quietly. They were silent for a few seconds. The brunette closed her eyes and concentrated on the feel of the kisses on her neck and the hands caressing the skin of her abdomen, she placed her hands atop hers brought them up to her breast. The kisses stopped and Emily twirled her head, looking for her lips. They melted into a slow but passionate kiss. Emily had goose bumps when she felt her lover’s fingers playing with her nipples; Emily broke the kiss and smiled at her. She shoved her down the mattress and straddled her; the brunette was at her mercy.

Her hands roamed once more inside her tank top, barely scratching the sides of Emily’s body causing a tingling in her stomach. She brought her face closer to Emily’s and kissed her again; her hands traveled to the brunette’s waist and tugged on the hem of Emily’s tank top. Emily helped her to take it off and her breast sprang free. Without hesitation, she dipped down and took one of the already hardened nipples into her mouth and teased the tender bud with her teeth giving Emily an exquisite pleasure that made her gasp.

Her hot lips trailed down Emily’s stomach, kissing every inch of her exposed skin, leaving a trail of ecstasy behind. She hooked up two fingers against Emily’s bottoms and tugged on them, leaving Emily naked before her. She looked at her and licked her lips. She continued with the kisses alternating with licks, tracing a path to her mount, all the way down until she reached her clit. She pushed her lips against Emily’s throbbing bud and the brunette’s body jolt at the sensation of her tongue teasing her most sensitive part.

Her movements became faster and faster; Emily squirmed and moaned beneath her, her eyes clapped shut. Every passing second, Emily felt more pleasure and she could feel Emily’s body tremor. The ecstasy was too much at this point and Emily reached her climax, arching her back off the mattress. Her breathing was ragged and beads of sweat had formed on her forehead.

Emily’s breathing began to return to normal while she kissed her neck, up to her jaw and finally her lips. She kissed her slowly, with affection, with love and Emily kissed her back and deepened the kiss, turning it into a full make out session. Emily was willing to return the favor and began to caressing her legs, moving her hands up to her hips, but she pulled her hands away, broke the kiss and smiled at her. She moved to the side and lay down on the bed besides Emily; she opened her arms waiting for Emily to come closer. Emily positioned herself in her arms and she just held her, without any other intention than to hug Emily. She didn’t wanted sex; she wanted Emily, she wanted to feel her close to her. Emily rested her head against her chest and slipped one arms over her stomach while she played with her brown locks.

“Are you more relaxed?” She asked. Emily could help but giggle.

“Shut up.” Emily mumbled, hiding her face on her neck. She just laughed and kissed tenderly Emily’s head. “After all this years, you are still embarrassed?” She inquired still snickering.

“Well… yeah.” She admitted shyly. Emily let out a yawn, she felt tired and her eyelids were barely open. She cuddled into the body next to her more.

“Let’s go back to sleep. We have a lot of thing to do tomorrow.” She said pulling the sheet up, covering their bodies. Silence invaded the room and they enjoyed the company of the other.

“Love…?” Emily disturbed the silence.

“Yeah?” She answered, settling down to sleep.

“Thank you…” Emily said barely above a whisper.

“Why are you thanking me?” she asked confused. Emily smiled.

“Thanks for everything. For how you are with me, for everything you do for me, for all your love—” she cut Emily off. “Hey, you don’t need to thank me. I love you, Emily because that’s what my heart chose.”  She pulled Emily closer and kissed her lips.

“But I have to thank you anyway, especially for these years in which you have supported me and returned me the peace and stability I needed in my life, so… thank you, Spencer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you didn't expect that last part, hehehe...


	3. Moving On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapter in less than... five minutes? Why not.  
> Actually this chapter is pretty meh, but important at the end nonetheless...

Emily woke up past eleven in the morning with a warm body by her side. She turned to see Spencer who was sleeping peacefully and sighed; Spencer was a beautiful woman, but she wasn’t the woman Emily longed for.

That woman had died 8 years ago.

Emily got up from the bed; it was Sunday and Emily didn’t have to go to work so she lazily went downstairs and made her way to the kitchen to prepare coffee. Another sigh filled the silence; Emily looked outside through the kitchen window and wondered what her daughter was doing in that moment at her grandparent’s house. After the ordeal at the cemetery, they reached an agreement where Emily would have the parental authority over Lauren and her in-laws had the right to stay with her every weekend. It was a routine they had been doing for almost 9 years.

Emily had an almost perfect life. She had a healthy, noble and intelligent daughter, a woman that loved her and a good job. She couldn’t ask for more. Emily kept her gaze fixed on the window drinking her coffee when a pair of arms slipped around her midsection, clasping the hands together above Emily’s stomach.

“Good morning, beautiful. How did you sleep?” Spencer placed a tender kiss on Emily’s shoulder.

“Well, I slept with my eyes closed— ouch!” Emily complained when Spencer pinched her. “Ok, ok. No more jokes.” Emily promised turning around to face Spencer, still in her embrace. She truly was a beautiful woman. She was almost the same height as Emily, with beautiful light brown eyes and naturally wavy dark brown hair which was a little below her shoulders. Emily didn’t know how Spencer could like someone like her; how, since the day they met, she longed to be with Emily, even before Alison died, Spencer was attracted to Emily but, of course, she never dared to say something to Emily because her friendship with Alison was first and always first.

Spencer tightened her grip around Emily’s waist and leaned in to kiss her, taking the mug Emily had in her hands while doing so.

“What time will you pick Lauren up?” Spencer asked, sipping the rest of the beverage and walking to the sink to wash the mug.

“In a couple of hours, so we have time to go for lunch and after I can drive you home.”

“Ok, yeah. Just let me take a shower and we can go.” Spencer said, walking out the kitchen door and going upstairs to get ready. Emily trailed behind her and one hour later, the both of them were dressed and ready to leave. They shared a light lunch at The Grille and when they finished, Emily dropped Spencer at her house and drove to her in-laws’ to pick up her daughter. Lauren was sitting on the porch stairs when Emily pulled up in the curb; Jessica was in a rocking chair with a cup of tea in one hand and a book in the other. As soon as Lauren saw Emily, she jumped up and ran towards the car, waving goodbye to her grandmother and blowing a kiss at her. While they were driving, the eight-year-old was rambling about all the things she did in her grandparents’ house.

“…and then Grandpa Ken took me to buy candies and Grandma Jess scolded him, telling him that those things were bad for my health. And I played with Pepe, but then he got bored and left.” Emily laughed at the cute pout her daughter made because of the fact that the sheltie her in-laws owned didn’t want to play with her anymore.

Upon arriving at their house, Emily saw two people standing in the porch. She killed the engine, told Lauren to wait in the car and hopped out the car. When she walked closer, she recognized the strangers and immediately wanted to run back to the car and drive until get lost.

“What are you two doing here?” She asked almost yelling.

“I don’t think that’s the way to welcome your parents after a long time.” Her mother reprimanded her.

“You’re right, after 14 years that is not way to welcome my parents.” Emily scoffed. “To what do I owe the honor of your visit?” she crossed her arms over her chest.

“We wanted to see you. We are your parents, Emily and we are very sorry about how we treated you.” Wayne offered with an ashamed expression. Emily just shook her head, rage building up inside her.

“You’re sorry? Wow… well, that’s really funny.” Emily sneered and spun on her heels and began to walk to the car.

“Emily! Where are you going?” Pam said, scolding Emily like a little girl.

“I’m leaving. I don’t want to be anywhere near you two.” Emily said without stopping walking.

“Sure! You prefer to go looking for that skank.” Pam spat. Emily’s steps came to a halt when she heard her mother’s words and she felt her blood boiled in her veins. She turned around slowly to face her mother.

“What did you just say?” Emily asked in a dark and low tone of voice. Her hands were balled into fists, her face was red from anger and her jaw clenched tightly. She just couldn’t believe her _mother._ How dare she spoke like that about Alison?

“I imagine you’re going with that woman with whom you left, delighted with life. You didn’t care even about us, your _parents!”_   Emily walked the few steps she had taken back to face Pam. Her jaw still clenched and her breathing was elaborated.

“That woman you talk about with such hatred, that woman for whom I left enchanted, that _woman_ died eight years ago, _mom_. Happy?” Emily stated with a bitter smile on her face. She tried to gulp the lump that had formed in her throat and she fought back the tears that threatened to fall. She didn’t want to cry, she promised she would cry anymore.

“What have you said? How? What happened?” Pam was shocked, so was Wayne.

“Alison died.” Emily tiredly sighed, her anger no longer present. “She died when she delivered our baby and—” Emily could finish; Pam cut her off even more surprised.

“You have a daughter? Where is she?” Emily nodded and she pointed with her head the car. Pam met her eyes with Wayne’s, having a silent conversation with her husband.

“Can we meet her?” This time Wayne spoke. The brunette’s expression turned into a scowl and Wayne walked closer to her, a wary sigh leaving his mouth. “You’re our daughter and she is our granddaughter, please, just let us see her.” Emily didn’t reply. She pursed her lips and put her hands on her hips, looking away from her father. Without saying a word, Emily walked towards the car and opened the back seat door. Lauren was waiting for her with a smile on her face.

“Mommy, who are those people?” The blue-eyed girl asked, curiosity laced in her voice, the smile never fading away from her face. Emily squatted in front of her and began to unbuckle the seatbelt.

“Sweetheart, do you remember I told you about Grandpa Wayne and Grandma Pam?” Emily asked Lauren in a low voice, smiling. The girl nodded and Emily helped her to get out of the car; she took her daughter’s hand and the both of them walked towards her parents.

Wayne smiled widely when he saw Lauren. He crouched to her level and with the back of his hand, he caressed her cheek; with his free hand he wiped a stray tear. He extended his arms and wrapped the little girl in an embrace; Emily saw the scene with tears in her eyes. Pam hadn’t said anything yet, she just looked at Lauren with a neutral expression and that, for a reason, worried Emily. Wayne let go of Lauren and stood up, taking her little hand into his. Emily climbed up to the porch, opened the front door and stepped aside silently inviting her parents to come inside. They went into the living room and sat down, Pam on the loveseat, Emily on her recliner and Wayne on the floor with Lauren. He was very excited to spend time with her granddaughter and was Lauren. They both laughed happily while playing, Pam and Emily just watched them, neither of them had uttered a word.

Emily took her phone out and sighed once she saw the time. It had barely been half an hour since she got home and she already felt exhausted, at least mentally; the abrupt visit of her parents brought back feelings of abandonment and rejection and the only things that kept her from kick her parents out of her house was the wide smile that was plastered on her daughter’s face. Emily always wondered how her parents would react to knowing they had a granddaughter, seeing that they were never supportive on her relationship with Alison; she was happy that her father had accepted Lauren.

The brunette looked back at her mother. The older woman kept the same hard expression and still didn’t look at Emily. She wanted to know what her mother was thinking. Was she happy? Was she mad? Did she accept Laure? Hundreds of questions passed through her head but before she could lose herself more in it, the sound of the door being unlocked snapped her out of her racing mind.

“Em, I’ve been waiting for you. We had agreed that you would go for me—” Spencer stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Emily’s parents sitting in the living room, a dread expression covered her face. She knew them from photos that Emily had shown her but she never imagined that she would meet them in person; Emily threw her an apologetic smile and stood up. Pam followed her movements with an even harder expression, while Wayne and Lauren remained still, watching the scene. Emily walked towards Spencer and when she was in front of her, she laced their fingers.

“Mom, Dad. This is my girlfriend.” Emily introduced. Spencer squeezed her hand a little and Emily turned to her, giving her a reassuring smile. Pam and Wayne stood up.

“It’s nice to meet you both. I’m Spencer Hastings.” Wayne and Pam looked at each other for a moment. Wayne was the first in speak, shaking hands with her.

“It’s nice to meet you, too. Wayne Fields, but you can call me father-in-law if you want.” Wayne laughed. “This is my wife, Pam.” Spencer outstretched her hand to Pam, but Pam just looked at her up and down, leaving Spencer with her hand extended. Awkwardly, Spencer retracted her hand and cleared her throat.

“Yeah, my pleasure.” Spencer mumbled. Emily looked her mother in the eye, Wayne also was watching at her wife. Pam didn’t flinch and sat back in the couch. Spencer turned to Emily; a shadow of tears could be seen in her eyes. Emily was mad.

“Spence, why don’t you take Lauren to the park for a while?” Emily suggested with a forced smile on her face trying to conceal her anger. Spencer nodded and Emily leaned in to kiss her sweetly on the lips; she knew that demonstration of affection would piss her mother off. Spencer returned the smile and prompted Lauren to follow her. “Behave, you two!” Emily shouted before the door was close. She looked out the living room window, making sure they were both far enough away from the house and turned to look at her mother.

“As far as I remember, you always told me to be polite.” Emily snapped at Pam.

“As far as _I_ remember, my daughter was normal.” Pam spat back, looking sideways at Emily. She laughed incredulously.

“Now it turns out that just because I have a different sexual preference, am I abnormal?” Emily bit the inside of her cheek in an attempt to keep her anger at bay. She forced a breath out of her nose and turned her back to her mother, crossing her arms over her chest. “What are you doing in my house then? What did you come for?” Pam didn’t say a word.

“That’s enough, Pam! Leave that attitude!” Wayne intervened moving between both Fields women. “And you, Emily, respect your mother!” He demanded. That filled Emily’s body with rage. Respect? Had they respected her?

“Dad, do not ask for something you don’t give!” Emily retorted. “Don’t demand respect when that is something you earned and with your attitude, you haven’t earned mine.” Emily spun around to face them. Her jaw was clenched and her hands balled into fists. A lump had formed in her throat. She tried to swallow it but it was in vain. Her emotions began to betray her.

“I’m tired of this! We came to apologize; we came to fix things with you, but I see that you don’t want to. Well, I will not begging.” Pam stood up.

“Right, as always, it’s my fault.” Emily threw her hands up in the air. Frustration heard in her voice. “Well, there is the door.” Emily bowed her head, hiding the tears that began to fall from her eyes and she pointed to the door with her hand.

“Wow, you are kicking us out.” Pam chuckled shaking her head. “As always, you want us out of your life; I knew that coming here would be a waste of time.” She scoffed. “This time I don’t want you to cry because we “abandoned” you, if you are the one that is taking us out of your life.”

“You’re unbelievable!” Emily shrieked. “You have no idea what it feels like to be abandoned, what it feels like to be alone. You don’t know what it’s like for the world to close before your eyes and feel that there is no one who can give you a hand. You don’t know what it’s like to lose someone you love with all of you…” Still without seeing them, with her head bowed Emily brought her hands up to her face and sobbed into them.

“Of course I know what it’s like to lose someone.” Pam whispered. Emily looked up to see her. “I lost my daughter; I lost what I loved the most, the person that I gave all of me, the light of my life…” At this point, tears streamed down Pam’s face. “I lost you, Emily.” Emily’s eyes went wide opened as she listened to her mother’s words.

“The day I found out about you being gay, that day I felt that I was losing a part of myself. I felt anger, I felt sadness, and I felt that nothing made sense, that my most perfect work now was my worst mistake.” That last words hurt Emily, she couldn’t help remembering the words Jessica had told her at Alison’s funeral years ago. “I couldn’t accept that the little girl that I held in my arms, the little girl I had raised would love another woman. For years I fought against that; I attended psychological therapies to get over it, but I couldn’t and until now I can’t quite yet. However, I wanted to come looking for you to fix things; I want things to be different and I know we can’t make up for all the time we left you, but your father and I want to try and be part of your life again.” Emily couldn’t take it anymore and threw herself into her mother’s arms; Pam hugged her and Emily cried into her mother’s neck like a little girl who had a nightmare. Pam reassured her that everything was going to be okay. Wayne came closer and wrapped his strong arms around both women and in that moment, Emily felt that indeed, everything would be okay.

Some weeks went by and it was Lauren’s ninth birthday _and_ the anniversary of Alison’s death. Early in the morning, Emily and Lauren went to the cemetery to visit Alison’s grave; a bouquet of flowers in Emily’s hand. Both walked in silence, Lauren slightly ahead of Emily; the brunette was edgy. Even after all these years, Emily still found it difficult to walk that small path to her wife's last rest; she missed Alison. When they reached the tombstone, Emily kneeled down in front of it and placed the flowers in the vase that was there. Lauren sat down next to Emily and the two stayed there for a while without saying anything.

In the midafternoon was Lauren’s birthday party. She was happy with her friends from school and Emily was exhausted but, like her daughter, happy. Pam and Wayne had changed for the better after their visit weeks ago; they were happy for Emily and the most important thing was that they adored Lauren, in addition to accepting Emily’s relationship with Spencer. At first, Pam didn’t accept it as much since Spencer had been Alison’s best friend and that didn’t look good, but eventually she wrapped her mind around it and they got along well.

Emily looked at Spencer who was serving soda to Lauren at the kitchen. Spencer smiled at her at all times, she treated Lauren with affection. Spencer turned around when she felt observed and she met Emily’s sweet gaze; she smiled at her and Emily returned the gesture. The tanned girl was mesmerized by Spencer when she felt that someone was sitting next to her in the couch. Wayne focused his attention to the scene Emily was seeing.

“Spencer is really beautiful.” Wayne said with a smirk on his face.

“Yes, she is.” Emily answered without looking at him. She could felt his gaze on her.

“And what do you plan to do?” Emily turned to face him with a confused expression.

“What do you mean?” She furrowed her brows.

“You’re been together for almost five years, that’s a long relationship.” Her father pointed out. “Haven’t you thought about…?” He left the sentence unfulfilled hoping Emily would get the hint, but the brunette was clueless. What did he mean?

“I don’t understand, dad. If you want to tell me something, go on.” Emily spoke seriously. Wayne just laughed, gave a pat on her shoulder and walked away. Emily returned her attention to Spencer. It was true that the both of them have been together for a while, _but think about what?_ Emily wondered. Emily’s mind began to work while still seeing Spencer and then she realized what her father meant…

Marriage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like Spemily together because they are going to be happening for a while...
> 
> -A

**Author's Note:**

> Well, mayba that wasn't a happy reading. Oops...
> 
> So, first chapter and Alison is already dead, and of course Emily is devastated. And of course I am a bitch for bringing this to all of you, but I promise everything is gonna be fine. You just need to stick with me, be patiente and read till the end. As I said up there, it's good.
> 
> The song that is featured in the last part is called "She's Gone" by STEELHEART— hence the title of the chapter.
> 
> Next chapter: Alison's funeral aaaand more drama, because let's face it! Life without drama isn't life.
> 
> I'll see you next week. Bye for now.
> 
> -A


End file.
